Entries
22/01/24 - My nerves are jumping, dancing and singing.
03:05AM
Maan, university is so hard. I thought I would have more time to spend in learning html but I'm finding myself literally flooded with things to do. Adult life I guess... I think I will blog here for a while, just to have a lil space in the internet universe for me.
Since september I started my new life in a big city, thinking my problems would disappear... And they did!... But only one quarter of them.
I'm very happy here tho. I'm closer to my boyfriend and I'm studying what I love. But you kno, shi happens... like the fact I HAVE TO do an exam in like two weeks and I have 200 pages left. I tell you my hair is falling off like snow in January.
I don't have much time left and I fear I will spend 14 days on my desk non-stop, which is stressful enough since I have band rehearsals this tuesday (I was waiting for the singer since TWO MONTHS and he suddenly came back in the most stressful times. Yikes.). It's a very important event for me, since I'm finally able to play in a grunge band, a thing I'm dreaming for since I was 13. MAN WHAT THE HELL WHY IS IT SO STRESSFUL TO ACHIEVE MY DREAMS FOR A LIL WHILE! >:O
04:03AM
Gosh I can't sleep AT ALL. I'm very sensitive to coffee and even tho I drank it yesterday in the afternoon I still feel so nervous. I had to wake up at 8:00AM. I guess it won't happen LOL.
23/01/2024 - Rehearsals day.
3:21PM
I ended up snoozing my exam to May. Funny enough. I will have a ton of exams to do in May, but it's better to start studying all books now and proceed without stress.
Anyway, I have rehearsals in two hours. Today we will play Man In The Box by Alice In Chains, Dive by Nirvana and Fell On Black Days by Soundgarden. I'm excited but also very anxious because I don't really wanna socialize with new people, I'm really scared. But can you stop from living fully? I can't do this, time is running, and I have to scold my lil poor traumatized brain and achieve my long desired dream to live the music I love and play in bands. I think little me would appreciate that very much.
My boyfriend is going to the practice room with me today, and I'm happy because he can see the grunge scene from closer now. I hope he'll like it.
It is raining outside, today. Rain brings me a sense of being at home, a sense of comfort (even tho without a ray of sun a day I can go crazy and be depressed in my bed all time). This city is pretty rainy and SO DAMN COLD. They say it could snow at the end of Jan. It's not a problem for me, since I love staying home and my lessons restart at the very end of Feb. 
24/01/2024 - All day in bed.
9:08PM
Yesterday the rehearsals went very nice. My bandmates are the coolest!! I was a lil stiff because I haven't practiced for two months but we had so much fun and I hope we will play again together lol. My boyfriend liked it a lot btw. My tendon a bit less: it hurts like HELL.
Even tho I was really happy, I was overwhelmed and so so tired all the way home. I got in bed as soon as I got home, and today I haven't left my bed at all.
28/01/2024 - Nice day + depressive episode finally stops.
2:22AM
I woke up really really happy, feeling really better than the last 5 weeks. I danced all day and felt so alive.
Me and my roomates went outside and had fun: we tried a place where you can drink and play table and videogames. It was awesome. Then we moved to the centre of the city.
You know, I'm not really a fan of loud noises and crowds, because they can lead me to stress in general and make me feel uncomfortable (I dress really showy when I'm in the mood to go full goth, and I love it, but u kno, some people are really rude or stare at you all time with weird looks), but I'm aware of the fact I'm trying to overcome this, because I love when "there's music and there's people and they're young and alive", and there were SOOOO much people today. Saturday is very important in Italy, and almost everyone is out there drinking and meeting people. If you don't go out on Saturday it means you're either sick (because of the flu, because almost everyone I know is sick in these days) or really keen on your studies, no other motivations LOL.
I'd really like to spend one of these exciting evenings with my boyfriend. He doesn't have a driver's license and lives 15 minutes away from here. The last train is when me and my friends usually leave home, so it wouldn't make sense. I would really make him see the beautiful people and atmosphere. I hope this will happen soon, and I think it would strenghten our relationship, because we aren't really going out or doing things (also because of the depressive episode I had).
Now I'm with one of my roommates in my room. He's playing Unpacking and I'm writing here. We're waiting for the other roommate to come back home. The OTHER OTHER roommate comes back home from her parents' house tomorrow. Yeah man, I'm tired of saying "roommates", so I will give you hypothetical names: Rose, Mark and Kris.
So, once again:
- Mark is playing Unpacking;
- Kris is on a date;
- Rose comes back home tomorrow.
My back hurts like hell. I walked a lot today, but it's good for my health I guess.
3:15AM
Kris is back, yippeeee!
They're telling us about the date, I'm so so happy they're happy!
15/02/2024 - Test day.
9:39AM
I ran to my mom's house a few days ago. I was so stressed and so overwhelmed I needed a break, so I bought the first ticket to home.
Like I said, my hair was falling in a very strange way and I started to worry a lot. Doctor said it's nothing, so it's ok, but tomorrow I will get my blood tested to be safe.
I spent Valentines with my boyfriend here at my mom's: even tho we planned to spend it in the city, it went good. He's still here, in my room, because I had to completely isolate myself to attend a test for university. It's gonna start in 15 minutes. I'm not anxious at all to be honest.
17/02/2024 - Home sweet home..
11:00PM
I'm back home. My roommates are still out and I'm all alone. My boyfriend just left after we spent the evening eating cup noodles and extremely hot chips.
Travelling by bus was boring as hell today. Three hours almost seemed like six, but at least I listened lots of nu metal albums.